For Young People:
Some Transparency and Encouragement
In developing this site, I took a step back after completing the basic checklist items and considered what overall affects it might have on the viewer. The main purpose of the site is to connect (with) people, but maybe I was actually creating separation! It occurred to me that, in focusing the site on the highlights of my work that I think are worth people’s time, it might look as though I’m some super-person who has their life completely ordered and figured out. Where would be the fun in that?! I’m not apologizing for success or deprecating myself in what I write below; I simply aim to give hope and inspiration to others.
Between childhood and my mid-twenties, at various times I grappled with depression, anorexia, anxiety (social and generalized), gender identity and expectations, my sexual orientation, and the crushing pressure of relentless internal expectations. I have only recently been successful and comfortable initiating social interactions. I have also experienced the isolation and other punishing consequences of working toward achievement only for its own sake. Fortunately, I have met people who have enabled me to conclude that it is my character and relationships that matter most, as well as the genuine skill and social value that I cultivate in myself through dedicated effort. Through such effort and attention over many years, I am deeply happy in my life and in my own skin. I’m also persevering and cool, calm, and collected in high-pressure situations, which are skills I’ve gained in part from engaging with my personal challenges.
This is not to say that I have not been relatively fortunate in the problems that I’ve had to solve, in my sources of support, in the element of chance underlying opportunities I’ve had, and so on. I have surely benefited in very significant ways that I did not earn from being white and of a middle-class American family. My parents and grandparents worked extremely hard throughout their adult lives, to which I can attribute much of my present health and opportunities.
This is also not to say that I don’t have any basic potential in the things that I’ve succeeded at doing at a high level. I put in a lot of focused effort and put myself out there. I take the risk of eliciting disagreement, disapproval, or aggression when I believe that I have something worth saying. Sometimes, it pays off in concrete ends. Sometimes, I just get the benefits of the process itself, and that’s absolutely enough.
Now, in my early thirties, I am still very much continually figuring things out. Having recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a few years of worsening and undiagnosed symptoms in my twenties, I’ve again been faced with decisions about how open to be for the sake of de-stigmatizing various conditions. In the end, I’ve decided to be very open, believing that the people I want to work for or spend time with will receive this information with openness and respect. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished living untreated with this condition and am deeply optimistic about my future. I remain unapologetically me.
Why waive my right to privacy by sharing this on the internet? Because being reticent about my own challenges has not served others, and it no longer serves me. Especially if you or someone you care about is living with illness, please take to heart that you can write your own story—in particular, one in which you remain the hero(ine) and the illness plays whatever role you decide. The road to a diagnosis, treatment, and ultimately thriving in the ways that matter can definitely be bleak in places. For bipolar disorder alone, suicide rate measurements remain alarmingly high as of 2024. I consider my own life to be an example of why universal and fair access to (mental) healthcare is so important; with the right support, thriving in the presence of deep challenges is possible.
To that end, it can be helpful to remember that everyone suffers as a matter of being alive, so no one is alone in this. It’s very tempting to yield to learned helplessness, complaining followed by inaction, trying to take others down a notch to boost one’s own image/status, or to self-pity. I’ve been there! I believe that, instead, we need to relentlessly act on our ability to learn and engage positively with obstacles—to embrace all of life. Even if one’s situation is unfair or the moral responsibility of someone else, only you can work on and fix your own happiness. But at least we don’t have to wait around for someone else to do it for us.
Finally, thank you to all the people who give me acceptance and support. You will always share in whatever successes I enjoy. You have my deepest gratitude.